Prelude
by Hatochan
Summary: A moment in time between Gojyo and Hakkai. Implied shonenai, no sex, but contains mature themes. Please heed warnings.


Author's Notes

- This is the beginning of a longer work in progress ( titled Verismo) that I have posted on MediaMiner. The other chapters contain explicit sexual details, so I've decided not to post them here. But I believe this chapter can stand on its own as ' a moment in time' kind of thing :)

- Enjoy!

**DISCLAIMER**: Obviously I don't own Saiyuki. Minekura is the lucky one and the only one currently reaping monetary gain for the foursome. I also don't own Hello by the wonderfully talented Evanescence. It can be found on their album, Fallen, and I highly recommend it.

**Prelude**

" You've got to leave."

" What?!"

" My husband. " The petite blonde rolled her eyes as though it should be obvious to the man.

" He'll be home soon. His shift ended ten minutes ago."

" Dammit Tenten! Why didn't you tell me beforehand?" Gojyo growled as he promptly jumped from the bed and began searching for his clothes. They were buried somewhere beneath the piles of silken ropes and empty bottles of massage oils. He wondered briefly how the woman was going to explain the rather obscene mess, but quickly decided it was her problem, not his.

" Because you wouldn't have come over if I told you."

" Shit." The hanyou pulled his trousers from the floor, grimacing at the large greasy mark that reeked of sex and artificial strawberries. His sleeveless white shirt was twisted so tightly around the bed's stout wooden leg, he nearly ripped it apart trying to free it. " That was mean Tenten." Gojyo hastily dressed and retrieved his boots.

" You know I like that element of danger, Gooooojyooo. " She cooed into his ear as he sat on the bed, tugging the rough leather over his feet.

" Screwing a taboo child not dangerous enough?" Gojyo teased, not as angry as he should have been. Tenten was a good girl despite the adultery and her earlier omission. _Husband's a moron, not taking care of her womanly needs. At least he doesn't hit her. _ Gojyo couldn't care less about the cheating aspect of their relationship; they were all adults. On the other hand, he wouldn't tolerate abuse and had 'dealt' with his fair share of bastard husbands and boyfriends. Luckily Tenten's spouse wasn't violent, merely asexual.

"Well-" The sound of the front door opening, exaggerated by the howling winds outside, interrupted the blonde. She raised an eyebrow in challenge.

" See ya, babe." Gojyo gave her a peck on the cheek, slipped into his leather jacket and lightly hopped over the window sill.

_//Playground school bell rings again_

_Rain clouds come to play again//_

And into a helluva storm. The lightning and thunder hadn't been much of an issue during their boisterous bedroom activities, Tenten being rather well off and her home having slightly thicker walls and better insulation than the average hovel in town. In fact, the raucous weather had punctuated some key( climatic) moments. However, once outside the raging winds and needle like rain slapped the kappa full force and reminded him that Mother nature was indeed a bitch.

Gojyo huddled further into the collar of his jacket and turned in the direction of his house. _Our house, _he corrected with a slight smile, _It's our house now. _Gojyo thought fondly of his roommate, the 'dark tragic beauty'. _Hakkai'll be shocked that I came home so early; it's only 2am. _ The kappa had been having an incredible winning streak at the bars, both in cards and with the ladies. For the past two weeks he had hardly seen the inside of his flat except to catch a nap and shower before heading back out into the vice ridden night. _Hell, I hope I don't wake him up. Surely he's asleep by now. _The crimson eyes shut momentarily, protecting the delicate orbs from a particularly nasty blast of icy wind. Thoughts of his warm couch, a soft blanket and a slow burning cigarette filled his head, helping to push out some of the cold wet. _Yeah, a good night's restful sleep, hot breakfast in the morning... I should get up and make breakfast for Hakkai. He's been nice enough to feed and clean up after my sorry ass everyday since he got back. _

That still bothered the hanyou, how the youkai-as-human kept the apartment spic and span and if not a hot meal on the table when he came home at a normal hour, then a delicious spread of cold items in the fridge when he came home at an insane hour. _ Does he think he has to do that? It's not like I expect it. _Gojyo turned his head against another chilly slap in the face, missing the partial cover of his long hair. It had only been 3 months since his self butchering of the silky strands. And while he had crudely teased Sanzo about being a pervert, his hair had only grown a few inches; enough to be unruly no matter how he tried to tame it. Currently the mess of scarlet was plastered to his skull , sticking in his eyes and offering no comfort whatsoever.

He gave off lamenting his loss , it would grow back eventually, and returned to his worrying. _And I've actually tried to remember to do things, like emptying the ashtrays and doing the laundry, but most of the time Hakkai's beat me to it. I can't even remember the last time I actually saw a dirty shirt on the floor for more than a day. I was planning on taking out last week's trash when I got home Saturday morning but it was already on the curb when I stumbled in. _ Gojyo turned down a back alley, hoping for some mild shelter from the elements. _I've really got to talk to him about this. Tomorrow over hot coffee._

Gojyo caught a glance of the corner of his house in a flash of lightning. He had made it home in record time despite the nasty weather, the promise of creature comforts a strong motivator. The wind practically shoved him through the doorway once he twisted the knob, he had to hang on to keep the old door from slamming against the interior wall. That had happened on several occasions and the plaster patches were beginning to crack. _Damn, that was kinda loud, I don't wanna wake-_

He was frozen mid thought, door still hanging wide and struggling with the gale, at the sight within. The kitchen light had been left on, a dingy tube above the sink that Gojyo had been meaning to replace for months, its yellowish glow spread thinly over the small space. It was just enough to limn the figure sitting at the kitchen table, dressed only in loose pajama pants, upper body exposed to the mildly heated interior atmosphere. And to reflect dully in the large chef's knife laying on the worn surface. Lightning brought the entire vision into terrifying focus for an instant, thunder startled the breath from him. Gojyo's mind absorbed the tableau slowly. _Hakkai is sitting in the dark, alone on a rainy night, staring at a knife. Hakkai is..._As the horrific realization of those thoughts sunk in, the kappa was dealt another blow. _ I smell blood. _It wasn't a lot of blood, but any amount was too much in Gojyo's opinion. _What the fuck is going on?_

Forcing the panic down , Gojyo managed to shut the door without too much hassle, strip off his coat and shoes and leave them piled by the entryway. He would put them away later. Then he strode towards the frightening scene.

The brunette had not moved, had not given an outward sign that he heard the half demon's return home. Hakkai simply stared at the cooking utensil and remained motionless as Gojyo approached him. The younger man carefully seated himself , taking the chair at the table's corner; just on the outside border of the other man's personal space. Gojyo placed his folded arms onto the well worn top, hands clasping in the middle, leaning slightly towards his friend. He silently studied Hakkai's face, trying to gauge the man's emotional status, beyond the obvious setup. Every flash of blue light from the storm outside flared unnaturally over the pale skin. Shadows sharpened the thin nose, scooped hollows below the cedar colored eyes... _Dry eyes, no tears. In fact...this is really bad. _Gojyo would have expected a person pushed to thoughts of suicide to be highly distraught. A sobbing wreck, screams of anguish, a dramatic symphony played out in gut wrenching sorrow.

Which would have been fine with Gojyo. The kappa could have handled that, was accustomed to dealing with the drama. He would have swept in, grabbed Hakkai and hugged him with all his might as he cracked jokes and smoothed his hair like a troubled child. But Hakkai's expression was blank. His face was slack, the usual smiling facade non existent. There was no trace of tears or any other sign of excess emotion. His eyes were those of a dead man's. Lifeless.

_This isn't a pity party. This is serious shit. _The silence continued to stretch on and Gojyo used the time to mentally curse himself. _Godsdammit! I've left him here alone every night for two weeks, fourteen fucking rainy, stormy, godsforsaken nights and I fucking knew how this shit affects him and I still went out! Fuck me! FuckmefuckmefuckmeFUCKME!!!!!!!_

His eyes found their way to the knife, immediately noticing the dark streak marring the otherwise pristine metal. Memories, barely a fortnight old, swam in his mind's eye. He had seen this all before, a different place, a different weapon, but the intent was the same; the tension was just as palpable and crushing. _I thought we'd made some progress since then. _

" You're home early."

The man's sudden words nearly gave Gojyo a stroke. After the initial shock wore off, the kappa had to resist the urge to cry over the youkai's tone. It was completely normal, neither strained nor angry nor happy just- _Flat. Emotionless. Dead. I really don't know what to do here. I'm not good with this kinda shit. _He decided to answer the first comment, hoping to start a conversation.

" Her husband came home."

" Ah." Was the short response.

//_Has no one told you she's not breathing?_

_Hello, I'm your mind giving you someone to talk to_

_Hello//_

" Is this about _her_?" The question burst from Gojyo's mouth and he prayed to every deity in the heavens and beneath the earth to strike him where he sat for that insanely STUPID utterance. _Kami, please don't slit your throat because I'm a moron. _ He watched, waiting for the first sign of movement that would warn of imminent doom, the consequence for mentioning the man's dead lover, dead sister Kanan, but Hakkai didn't twitch.

" Yes."

_//If I smile and don't believe_

_soon I know I'll wake from this dream//_

" Are you going to do it?"

// _Don't try to fix me I'm not broken_

_Hello I'm the lie living for you so you can hide_

_Don't cry //_

" I don't know."

Gojyo practically choked on the pause that followed Hakkai's response, debating every possible strategy for restraining the other man._ Should I tackle him? I mean, I could probably knock the knife away as I jump across the table. Knock him out of the chair, pin him. Tie him to the bed to keep him from trying something else. _The minutes slowly ticked by without further interruption from either male. _I guess I could just... I mean I could try the less violent version first and if it doesn't work... _Gojyo didn't want to think about what would occur if his plan didn't work.

A deep breath was sucked into his lungs and Gojyo reached for the knife. Slowly, carefully so as not to upset the other man, his fingers wrapped around the handle. Hakkai didn't blink. Gojyo lifted the would be weapon, stood, and headed to the sink. He found the basin full of cold dingy water and even dingier dishes. The upper cabinet doors were still open, the cups and saucers standing in shiny rows. There were large circles of grimy film on the counter top where dish water had been splattered and left to dry. Maroon was splotched intermittently and a long streak marked the row of plates sitting vertically in the sink. A theory of earlier events began to form. _He must have been washing dishes, accidentally cut himself and sorta... I guess it must have set off one of his triggers. Of course me being a neglectful selfish prick didn't help matters any. _

The knife was laid upon the scarred counter. Gojyo turned back around and took the six steps necessary to bring him into the bathroom. He didn't even bother with the light, Hakkai kept the place so organized, the hanyou could find everything blindfolded if need be. He gathered antiseptic ointment, bandages and a washcloth. As he soaked the cloth under the hot tap, Gojyo caught a glimpse of himself in the vanity mirror. Even in the dim illumination his dark eyes stood out sharply, as did the twin scars on his cheek. What interested the red head the most , however, was the calm expression on his face. He looked controlled, focused; not anything like how he felt inside.

Gojyo rotated the knob to halt the flow of water and dismissed his deceptive reflection. He took the supplies into the other room, set them on the kitchen table and reclaimed his seat. Reaching over the table's corner he pulled both of Hakkai's arms to rest on top. The right limb was unharmed, the left wasn't as lucky. Gojyo was glad it was the arm closest to him, making his job a little easier. He inspected the wound first. It was a thin line cutting across the inside of the wrist, already clotted over. There was a fair amount of blood, smeared all the way to his elbow and, as Gojyo discovered with a quick look down, staining an ample portion of Hakkai's cotton pajama bottoms. It was far from life threatening, but a case for concern nonetheless.

Soft, gentle motions of the wet cloth removed the red-brown smears, cleaning away the dark flakes of dried blood. Gojyo apologetically reopened the wound in order to disinfect it properly and add ointment; infection was a genuine consideration due to the dishwater. Once the area was sanitized he began wrapping the delicate joint with gauze.

Hakkai seemed unchanged, taking no interest in what was being done to him. The kappa finished his treatment, tucking the end of the long strip beneath the snug wrappings. Sighing , he stood again and lifted the slighter man from his own chair. Hakkai did not protest, merely standing as directed until his legs gave out. He fell heavily against Gojyo who realized that the man's lower limbs must have lost circulation. _How long has he been sitting here? How long would he have sat there if I hadn't come home when I did? _

The kappa gave up on thinking and merely scooped his friend up into his arms bridal style and carried him to the tiny single bed. He kicked the sheets to the side, miraculously staying balanced on one leg, and laid the man down. Gojyo pulled the blankets back into place, making sure to tuck them carefully around his injury. He noticed the blank stare had been hidden behind pale lids thickly fringed in ebony lashes, the chest rising and falling in shallow rhythm. _He fell asleep pretty damn fast. Fuck, has he been sleeping at all since I've been gone? _ He sighed again, and moved his crimson gaze back to the man's face. Hakkai looked , not quite peaceful, but certainly more relaxed. Gojyo reached out with his free hand and brushed a strand of coffee colored silk.

It hit him then. Really hit him. Gojyo couldn't even form a solid inner monologue, his mind was flooded with pure terror, with a sense of guilt and ' what if'. The kappa grabbed two fistfuls of the bedclothes, swallowing great gulps of air, verging on hyperventilating, fighting to control the blackness enveloping his heart. Before he knew it his knees had hit the wooden planks, his forehead pressed into the mattress next to Hakkai.

_Oh shit._ A particularly loud crack of thunder rattled the window planes and every piece of loose china inside the flat. It also startled Gojyo out of his stupor. He glanced at the bed side clock and saw that he had been lost in his own misery for over an hour. _Get up. Get up goddammit. _The red head rolled to his feet, squeezing his eyes closed against the repetitive flashes of lightning. More thunderous booms followed and Gojyo wished his home was as well insulated as Tenten's. _When is this weather gonna end? _He made his way into the living area, towards the sink of unfortunate events. The knife continued to sit, innocent and benign save for the incriminating line of crimson. It was simply waiting to be washed and replaced in its drawer.

Gojyo had every intention of cleaning the dishes, knife included, and finishing the chores, but somehow he found himself with the blade flat beneath his foot, yanking on the handle to snap the metal away from the wood. The broken knife was bound in an old newspaper and shoved into the center of the trash bin.

_// Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping_

_Hello I'm still here_

_All that's left of yesterday//_


End file.
